Saturday, August 21, 2010

How is this scene from my book?

this is an important scene so i was wondering if i should change it or....idk what do u think???





I looked at the envelope addressed to Lydia Scott and Lydia Bane with my street name and zip code under it. The upper left hand corner didn't have a return address. It did however have a neatly printed phone number where it should have been. I tore open the envelope carefully as not to rip the phone number. Out came a thick stack of what looked like legal documents, a yellow card, and three sheets of blue paper stapled together to make up a long hand-written letter. I set the yellow card and legal documents aside and went straight for the blue paper. The words were written in black ink and a loopy, girly, cursive. The lines were double spaced, and it read:





Dear Lydia,


I am sorry to inform you but on June 26th 2008 your mother Alexandria Nora Bane passed away. This is a tragic loss to all of us. Yesterday Richard Bernard, your father, told me that Alexandria had wished for you to attend her funeral which will be held at the cemetery near her estate in Washington the week of July 13th 2008. Please call my number on the envelope for more information and so I may send you your plane ticket. I look forward to finally meeting you darling Lydia.


Best Wishes,


Your Aunt Aradessa J. Robin





Okay. What the heck! Had this lady gone nuts or something? I didn't have an aunt Aradessa and my mom and dad's names were Stacy and Seallan Scott. They were NOT Alexandria Bane and Richard Bernard. They sounded like some stuffy stuck up rich kid's parents. I had black hair like mom and dad's odd sense of humor. I had grayish eyes like my brother Austin and our grandma. Whoever Lydia Willow BANE was, she wasn't me. And this wasn't my letter. No way.








What do you think? Thanks for ur opinions?How is this scene from my book?
thats a really good scene...makes we want 2 read more..hehe:)How is this scene from my book?
i really like this! i wouldn't change a thing.

Read and rate my prologue?

My hearing with Winston Newman was August 18th 2005. Not knowing what to expect, I planned to leave New York City the evening of August 17th; best case scenario, I would be put in jail. In a sobering but strange way, jail seemed like the solution. In jail they have food, clothing, proper lighting, and everything I could possibly need to get my life back together. My plan was to walk into that courthouse, plead guilty to anything they pin on me and take the punishment.





I took the train to a rough suburb of Philadelphia by the name of Norristown. My appearance would certainly shock everyone—I was completely disheveled and dirty. My normally close cropped, jet black hair, had debris and dirt in it, making it look to be a lighter grayish brown color. It had grown in a time when there wasn’t a comb or brush in sight.


My clothes where dirty, wrinkled and unkempt, circles had grown around my dark brown eyes and my full figured lips had grown dry and cracked to the point where it actually hurt a bit to speak. I wondered what they would think when I arrived.





As I approached the long set of stairs at the Norristown courthouse, my attempt to sneak inside failed, being that the press and media swarmed.





“David, do you think this could be the end of your writing career, before it even began?”


“Is it true your own father put you out of the house, after the death of your mother?”





All these questions they asked made it apparent that my life has become the reality show event of the year. All I could hope for at that point was death. As I walked through the building, my shoes squeaked as if I walked across the ocean to arrive there.





Opening the door with my left hand, I struggled to pull the weighty door fully open. I had to use my scraped, stiff, right hand to painfully assist the left. Once inside the courtroom, many of the spectators had already arrived early to the ‘big trial of the year.’ Curiously they waited for the next chapter in this storied circus would be. They arrived so early that they had front row seats of the train wreck named David Summers. As I walked through the gallery of the courtroom, I didn’t look any of them in the eyes at first, but I knew they caught a glimpse of me, because the noisy chatter died down. When I did look around, I could tell from the befuddled looks on their faces that they were in utter shock to see me in this state. Some stared subconsciously; their mouths gaping wide open in shock. I saw my friends Brittany and Brandon sitting next to each other, they both sat fidgety in their seats, that is, until they caught a glimpse of me. Little did any of them know, I was going to surrender myself.





Brittany put her hand over her mouth and tears welded up in her eyes, while Brandon seemed to brave my appearance and embrace her. My revengeful, spiteful, father sat in the corner with a smug grin on his face.





How did I get to this place of being a homeless man, desperate for the “luxuries” of Prison, when three years ago, I was in a very wealthy family? I mean, my mother was a Movie Producer and my father a successful Politician.





The sound of the courtroom doors behind me swinging open bounced off of the wooden interior of the court room, and through all the chatter in the room, I heard the door swing back closed. When I turned around, I saw Winston Newman walk in with his huge entourage. With a deliberate swagger, he made his way to the prosecution bench. As he got closer to me, my appearance made him slow down his already slow pace. His face squeezed, as if he just ate a particularly sour lemon wedge, he seemed taken back.





They sat their briefcases and papers on the prosecutor’s desk. Winston brought a team of five different attorneys with him, undoubtedly the best in the nation, and there I stood again, with nobody. The only thing I had with me was a stench that came off my body. Winston had a gray suit that hugged his enormous upper body, with a white shirt and a brilliant red power tie. His slicked back hair accompanied his clean shaven face. He was a rock; an immovable rock. He represented something you go around not through.





As the courtroom quieted, you could hear whispers that were surely in reference to me and my appearance. My beard itched because I hadn’t shaved in months, or showered in weeks. All I wanted was for the session to get started, so I could surrender myself to a better arrangement—Jail.





The moment came right before the trial was to begin; the tension built, all I could think about was my impending, failure due to come by the end of the day.





At that, I heard the courtroom doors open again. Before I got a chance to glance behind me, I heard high heels tapping in a heart pounding familiar rhythm, the room became silent and an electrical pRead and rate my prologue?
I like your writing and style.


You captured my interest.


I have a few suggestions, if you will:


1. Take the last sentence in the first paragraph and place it first, that is the first sentence in your prologue.


2. Go though this piece and question each significant word: does it way what you mean it to?


Examples: 6th paragraph ';Some stared subconsciously.'; Do people really stare subconsicously?


Next to the last paragraph: ';failure due to come by the end of the day'; Do you mean ';failure'; or tragedy or disaster? If failure, what does he fail at? Being sentenced?


I'm not trying to be picky but to point out the need to work harder at diction.


But I think you have potential as a writer, so that's why I bothered to mention these things.Read and rate my prologue?
I just love it! The whole idea of 'wanting to go to prison' was a really good concept, and a change from the normal courtroom stories. The tension was fantastic. I very much enjoyed it and really want to know what happens next!!


Just one thing:


';As I walked through the building, my shoes squeaked as if I walked across the ocean to arrive there.'; It sounds a bit out of place. Perhaps:


';As I walked through the building, my shoes squeaked as if I had crossed the entire ocean just to make it to my trial.';

To Kill A MockingBird Part 2 Questions?

1} Who defuses the situation at the jail (without knowing it)?


Jem


Mr. Ewell


Scout


Atticus





What does Tom Robinson say that upsets the whole courtroom?


He feels sorry for Mayella.


Nothing.


He is sorry for what he did.


He is not sorry for what he did





Do you think that Maycomb is on its way to being less prejudiced? Why or why not? Please support your writing with examples from the novel!!





How does Maycomb’s African-American population show their appreciation to Atticus?


by sending him flowers


by sending him cards


by sending lots and lots of food


by having a parade in his honor








Who lets Scout and Jem onto the balcony?


Reverend Sykes


Calpurnia


Boo


Atticus





What verdict does the jury deliver?


It's a hung jury.


Tom is innocent.


We never find out.


Tom is guilty.





We have talked about how Scout matures (but remains innocent) throught the novel. Provide three examples of her maturation from our readings.





Who threatens Atticus after the trial?


Bob Ewell


Scout


Boo


Aunt Alexandra





How did Tom lose abilities in his left hand?


It was torn apart by a cotton gin.


He cut it with a knife.


We don’t know.


He was like that since birth.





Do you think everyone in the town of Maycomb knew what the outcome of the trial would be? Why or why not?


Please support your opinion with examples from the novel.





This novel takes place in


the 1920s.


the 1960s.


the 1930s.


the 1950s.





What does Miss Maudie take as a sign of progress in Maycomb?


all of the food that is sent


that the jury was out for so long


that the verdict was guilty


that Tom is free





Mr. Dolphus drinks out of a brown paper bag. What is in it?


alcohol


Coca Cola


Kool Aid


Gatorade





Why does Atticus sit in front of the Maycomb Jail?


He has nothing better to do.


That is where his friends hang out.


He is there to protect himself.


He is there to protect Tom Robinson.





How does Atticus find out that the children are in the courtroom?


They tell him they are there.


He sees them.


Calpurnia passes him a note.


Aunt Alexandra tells on them.





The title of the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird is symbolic of characters within the story. The mockingbird represents the idea of innocence. Thus, to kill a mockingbird is to destroy innocence. Identify a minimum of two characters who are mockingbirds in the novel. Explain who they are and how they are mockingbirds.





Follow correct essay form: introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a concluding paragraph. Check your spelling, punctuation, and grammar.





Who was protecting Atticus the whole time?


Mr. Underwood


Mr. Cunningham


Calpurnia


Aunt Alexandra





Do you think that it was right for Atticus and Heck to let everyone think Ewell fell on his own knife? Why or why not?


Please support your opinion with examples from the novel.





How does Atticus PROVE that Ewell is the one that hit Mayella?


Mayella said he did.


Ewell had bruises too.


Ewell admitted it.


Ewell is left handed.





One person on the jury wanted to acquit. Who was it?


Cunningham


Ewell


Miss Maudie


Reverend Sykes





Who saves Jem from “the killer”?


Boo Radley


Scout


Atticus


Aunt Alexandra





Aunt Alexandra tries to get rid of Calpurnia. Why?


Aunt Alexandra want to be the “woman” of the household.


All of the answers are correct.


They no longer need her.


She doesn’t like her influence on the children.





What is the Ewell house surrounded by?


cows





trash


a river


chickens





Do you think Aunt Alexandra helped the Finch household? If yes, how? If no, why not?


Please support your opinion with examples from the novel.To Kill A MockingBird Part 2 Questions?
1} Who defuses the situation at the jail (without knowing it)?


Atticus





What does Tom Robinson say that upsets the whole courtroom?


He feels sorry for Mayella.





Do you think that Maycomb is on its way to being less prejudiced? Why or why not? Please support your writing with examples from the novel!!


Yes. Not everyone will change, but many have seen the error of their ways through the course of the trial.





How does Maycomb’s African-American population show their appreciation to Atticus?


by sending lots and lots of food





Who lets Scout and Jem onto the balcony?


Calpurnia








What verdict does the jury deliver?


Tom is guilty.





We have talked about how Scout matures (but remains innocent) throught the novel. Provide three examples of her maturation from our readings. (too much work, you'll have to do this one - wikipedia the plot summary)





Who threatens Atticus after the trial?


Bob Ewell





How did Tom lose abilities in his left hand?


It was torn apart by a cotton gin.





Do you think everyone in the town of Maycomb knew what the outcome of the trial would be? Why or why not?


Yes. That Miss Maudie is impressed that the jury took a long time. Anyone expecting a jury to come back quickly would expect them to have judged Tom guilty long before the trial even started.





This novel takes place in


the 1930s.








What does Miss Maudie take as a sign of progress in Maycomb?


that the jury was out for so long





Mr. Dolphus drinks out of a brown paper bag. What is in it?


Coca-Cola








Why does Atticus sit in front of the Maycomb Jail?


He is there to protect Tom Robinson.





How does Atticus find out that the children are in the courtroom?


Calpurnia passes him a note.





The title of the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird is symbolic of characters within the story. The mockingbird represents the idea of innocence. Thus, to kill a mockingbird is to destroy innocence. Identify a minimum of two characters who are mockingbirds in the novel. Explain who they are and how they are mockingbirds.


Scout - she is a young child who has not been indoctrinated with racism like the rest of the towns folk and doesn't understand why they wouldn't give Tom a fair trial.


Dill - he is also a young child and has to learn some rough lessons about family leaving him.





Who was protecting Atticus the whole time?


Mr. Cunningham





Do you think that it was right for Atticus and Heck to let everyone think Ewell fell on his own knife? Why or why not? (not doing this one for you)





How does Atticus PROVE that Ewell is the one that hit Mayella?


Ewell is left handed.





One person on the jury wanted to acquit. Who was it?


Cunningham





Who saves Jem from “the killer”?


Boo Radley





Aunt Alexandra tries to get rid of Calpurnia. Why?


All of the answers are correct.





What is the Ewell house surrounded by?


trash





Do you think Aunt Alexandra helped the Finch household? If yes, how? If no, why not?


Please support your opinion with examples from the novel. (this one's all you)To Kill A MockingBird Part 2 Questions?
1scout


2he pities mayella


3 yes the jury took a long time to deliberate


4food


5reverend


6guilty


7 ugh your on your own for this one


8bob ewell


9 gin


10 not answering


11-end psh this is dumb. use your brain and do it yourself
  • credit counseling
  • girl myspace
  • I just need your opinion of what i wrote for my disccusion quesiton answer?

    Topic: this is what I had to write about


    Imagine that you are at a coffee shop with a group student-friends and the discussion turns to a topic on racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism, or another form of oppression. The people in the group all have a different viewpoint and the discussion takes an unexpected turn and causes conflict within the group. Since you have just completed some research on multiculturalism topics, the group turns to you for help to resolve the conflict. How are you going to address this issue? What are some of the strategies that you could use for managing this situation without immediately ending the conversation?














    Here is what I wrote


    The issue would be one that is kind of hard to address in a coffee shop but I guess that is the place where it all happened. I think that the role that I would take would be the person in the middle and I will have to admit I take that role a lot. I guess I just like to argue so when one person is saying something even if I completely agree I will always say something to argue with them. One thing that I would make sure to get my point across about would be that there are many people out in the world that think the same way that they do about the issue. Though on the other hand there are also just as many people who think totally opposite about the same thing. These same issues and points have been argued and argued for years and I truthfully don’t think that in this world that they will ever be agreed upon. It is just like my father in law told his fishing buddy, he said, “We can argue our whole fishing trip away and ruin the whole thing but when we get off the lake I’m still going to be a Baptist and your still going to be Church of Christ.” That’s when they just started fishing and left the complicated issues at the house. I would tell them that they were either brought up to think this way or they have learned to think this way and that is why they feel so strongly about it. I think I would just try and keep them settled down and not get to loud and disturb all the other people trying to enjoy their coffee.I just need your opinion of what i wrote for my disccusion quesiton answer?
    Pretty good..Agree to differ, reach a compromise, have another coffee!

    How do I say sorry to my teacher when I did this?

    Today at school, our class was writing an essay. I'm sure she didn't say it, but I might have forgotten. She said she doesn't want any old paperwork that might help you type your good essay. I didn't do this by accident and left a whole sheet of paper with the rough draft of my essay. I was going to change it anyway. Anyway, she confiscated it and just left. I handed in my good copy but what should I say to my teacher tomorrow if I feel sorry whatsoever?How do I say sorry to my teacher when I did this?
    Complain about your teacher to the municipal board.How do I say sorry to my teacher when I did this?
    I don't think much of her teaching if she won't let you make a rough draft. She's not teaching, she's looking for geniuses.
    It used to be that you just gave your teacher an apple...nowadays you have to sleep with your teacher apparently

    How do you like this poem?

    I always dreamed of the day I'd meet the one.


    The day that my Romeo would sweep me away.


    But I never thought it would actually be.


    It was just a dream.


    A fantasy so far off that would never come true.


    I prayed that you would come.


    That God would send the only one that I'd ever need.


    The only one that would ever make me feel special.





    So I waited.


    I waited with hope.


    Hope that I'd be given the gift


    to love and to be loved.


    And then that day in sweet November.


    Oh, that day I'll never forget.


    It was when all my hopes,


    dreams, and prayers came true.


    The day when you left your guys to be with me.


    Why me? I had to ask myself.


    Then I realized you were the one.


    The one who would encourage me,


    cherish me, and love me till the end.





    You just can't imagine the way you make me feel.


    It's a feeling I just can't explain.


    The feeling I get whenever I look at you,


    Hear your name,


    or feel the slightest touch of your hand.


    I love the way you look at me,


    and the way you make me smile.


    I especially love the way you place your hands


    around my waist and softly tickle until I get chills.


    I just wonder if your hands could feel the butterflies


    I get while they were there.


    And I can't forget your gentle kiss.


    Your lips softly kissing my back.


    I wanted that moment to last forever.


    And your brown eyes.


    Looking in them I get lost in my thoughts.


    It all seems so perfect.





    I can't wait until we finally belong to each other.


    The day we both say ';I do';.


    And the gift that we will exchange.


    The gift we've saved our whole lives


    to give that special one.


    So forever you will be my one and only.


    The one and only love of my life.





    Please tell me how you liked it!! I dedicate this to my love, my love of my life!!





    I just wrote this one!! (It is a brand new one)


    I hope you all like it!!How do you like this poem?
    good again.........yes !!How do you like this poem?
    nice job :) scale from 1-10...8 and a half
    YES WE ALL LIKE IT





    GOOD NIGHT

    They're Preaching (But You're No Choir)?

    Hey! This is a poem I wrote during Spring, it's kind of self explanatory, kind of a sarcastic thank you note or something. I'd love to hear some opinions on it and any advice for the future! And how could I go about getting published?!





    They're Preaching


    (But You're No Choir)





    One misstep, ten accidents, my hand left on your stove,


    Distractions are at ease when light years from home.


    Smooth sailing is redundant until a lifesaver is lost,


    Coincidence that it's Spring with unexpected frost.


    I'm livid on a prayer until you make your move,


    Though I was misinformed, it's better if you do.


    Won't be your sloppy seconds or even thirds,


    There's soft spots but just hit me where it hurts.


    The picture is outdated and so is your strategy,


    I'll laugh it off if you're ever bound back to me.


    You're under my skin though the venom is all but new,


    Vague answers and lying aren't ways to make it through.They're Preaching (But You're No Choir)?
    IT sounds good.


    I think it needs some comas though!.








    I'd have to hear you read it to see if it's good.