Can you read my strory?

She sat there silently looking amongst the others all in their large white suits that draped down to their ankles and disguised their true figure and identity. Their hands wore long white tight gloves that protected them from anything they may have touched. There faces where hidden and you could just see their eyes from behind the large silver protective masks that allowed them to gasp for air. The masks where connected to large silver tanks of oxygen that where on the backs of everyone on the bus the thing that allowed them to breathe, to stay alive.


She closed her eyes and remembered the days when she could go outside and breathe in the air of the earth, the days were she could wear anything, go anywhere and not have to worry about dying, the life when she had the freedom to do whatever she pleased. Its merely a memory to her in a world were life is everything.





She continued to sit their silently just like everybody else until the bus turned into the bus depot of her school she could see her friend Tasha waiting.


When are they going to find a cure? Said Tasha. “I don’t know” she said “its been three months its resistant to everything they tried” ,her voice sounding rather muddled as it came out through her mask.


“They don’t know what to do“.


“I cant stand it anymore, I cant stand living like this Tasha continued”.


“I no Tasha neither can I but its what’s best for all of us“.


The bell rang “All students to the vacuum compartment, that’s all students to the vacuum compartment, 3rd floor“. We better hurry, said Tasha they both made their way to the 3rd floor were the whole school who were all dressed in the same suits and face masks were lined up.


“ Please enter youngest first” the feminine voice over the PA announced.


Students entered the vacuum compartment in year order until the room was full to maximum capacity and Mr raven then closed the large white door. He opened a large silver box that was embedded onto the wall and from what they could see the box contained a large red button labelled RADIATE. “All students please hold onto the rails on the left hand side of your row”


Mr raven pressed the red button and then the floor began to vibrate.


Why do the have to do this? Asked Tasha.


“Dad says it kills the virus and pollution just in case its in the school and we have to go in this room so we don’t get radiated. “I no but…” Tasha stopped.


The vibration stopped.


The voice over the PA made another announcement “ All students please exit the vacuum room in an orderly fashion and make your way to form period”.


“Come on” Tasha said and they made their way to form period through the now sterilised air.





Everything in the school was now safe.


They breathed in the air.


Enjoyed the moment.


Relaxed.





When they entered form Mr Newton was already their he looked rather nervous.


Tense.


he is mormally happy and energetic.


“Sit down everybody” he said in a strong masculine voice.


The class took their seats.


Mr Newton continued as you know every morning every school in America is radiated to stop the existence of the deadly 2030 bovine flu, and everyday you have to wear this uniform to ensure you are safe. I have been asked to warn you that in Europe the swine flu of 2010 has returned and has mutated , like the bovine flu. Europe is now fighting both flu’s and has predicted that the vaccum comaprment radiator is not strong enough to kill both flu’s”.


This means that if the mutated swine flu comes into america and mixes with the bovine flu , which is more than likely school will be closed”


The class tried to hide their smile, but some students loved the fact.


‘But sir? Tasha asked if school is unsafe then everywhere else would be to would it?














HOW CAN I MAKE IT LONGER what should i write next? do you think its good? would i get good marks in enlgish?





xx thanks oh and plz dont copy:)Can you read my strory?
When i began reading this i was ready to expect some kind of 'dirty' bomb etc. But swine flu? No sorry. Spoilt what could have been something really quite good.Can you read my strory?
i think u would get good marks but honestly i found it was BORING!
A for effort. You need to do a spell check and the story realy needs a beginning middle and end. You just seem to have a good idea and don't realy take it anywhere. The idea is great. If it is a short story it needs at least a thousand words or up. The characters need to be more fleshed out so people can relate to them. I don't mean to be harsh but if you are handing this in its better that you get some helpfull advice now giving you time to work on the story. Rather than get a poor grade. And the same advice from the teacher.
i write too...only one person has read a book that took me 15 years to write and ended up with nearly half a million words... your precognitive ability is what makes good science fiction stories and your eagerness to continue is a good trait... i loved it and can see many possibilities for its continuation... consider it a rough draft for now, just get the story you are creating in your mind down no matter the english... that comes later... concentrate on where you want to take it and it will come to you... just keep writing no matter what... ultimately the best instruction will be what you teach yourself as you groom your story to be of interest to, not all, but some, and especially yourself... perhaps you could tie in your set of circumstances with the 2012 phenomenon and the coming Age of Aquarius... do research on this and it will help you develop your story...or even use it as a premise (to set forth beforehand) an alien invasion or friendly visit to help us.... use a dictionary for correct spelling and the definitions of your words will spawn deeper ideas... and most of all, do not think of what you are doing as a way to make money for that will spoil your form; remember, there is no money in poetry and that is what keeps the poet free... your writing is a great treasure first to you, then to others