Star if you like this joke....really funny?

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.


Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.


Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me.


Psychiatrist: Next please!


Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.


Daughter: What will she do with her old one?


Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn't you pray for Uncle John too?


Daughter: I didn't want to ask for too much.


Parent: I'd like a day without punishing you.


Little Mishief: You have my full permission!


Sailor: I was shipwrecked, and lived on a can of sardines for a week.


Captain: My, weren't you afraid that you'd fall off?


Student: Could I get in trouble if I didn't do something?


Teacher: Well, I don't suppose so.


Student: In that case, I didn't do my homework.


Jim: What's white, steep, and has ears?


Tara: I don't know.


Jim: A snow-covered mountain.


Tara: What about the ears?


Jim: Haven't you ever heard of mountaineers?


Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?


Camper: I bent down to smell a brose.


Camp Counselor: There isn't a B in rose.


Camper: There was in this one!


Student: Teacher, how can I look up a word to spell in the dictionary


if I don't know how to spell the word in the first place?


Teacher: Why do they call it a Hot Water Heater? You don't need to heat hot water!


Polly: Why are you eating nickels?


Molly: Because the teacher wants to see some change in me.


Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I can't remember anything.


Doctor: How long have you had this problem?


Patient: What problem?


Ben: Did you hear about the new dance called the elevator?


Mike: I sure didn't! What's it like?


Ben: It has no steps!


Mailman 1: A dog bit me on the leg this morning.


Mailman 2: Did you put anything on it?


Mailman 1: No, he liked it plain.


Teacher: Joey, please use the word ';wagon'; in a sentence.


Joey: Ok, ';If I told my dog to stop wagon his tail, he would still wag on.';


Teacher: Charles, please use ';discount'; in a sentence.


Charles: Yes, ma'am. ';Does discount as a sentence?';


Teacher: Duff, please use the word ';window'; in a sentence.


Duff: Yes, sir, here goes: ';I entered a contest but didn't window.';


Teacher: What do letters B.C. mean?


Pupil: Before Calculators.


Jake: I got an anonymous letter.


John: From whom?


Lenny: May I hold your hand?


Jenny: No, it is not that heavy.


Don: I didn't know our school was haunted.


Ron: Neither did I. How did you find out?


Don: Everybody's been talking about our school spirit.


Brent: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?


Trent: How tall are you?


Customer: When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn't go near them!


Clerk: Well, isn't that good for mice?


Customer: Hi. I'm looking for a good buy.


Salesman: Oh. Ok. Goodbye.


Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?


Joel: My left hand.


Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil!


Jack: Did you hear about the giant that threw up?


Jill: No, how'd you know?


Jack: It is all over town!


Pam: Is it okay to eat hotdogs with hands?


Sam: No, hotdogs don't have hands!


Joe: I was built backwards.


Mary: How?


Joe: My nose runs, and my feet smell!


Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!


Student: What does it do?


Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!


Student: What is it called?


Mad Professor: It's called a window!


Bobby: I've owned this car for 15 years and never had a wreck.


Prospective buyer: You mean you've owned this wreck for 15 years and never had a car.


Mary: Did you know they're not making pencils any longer?


Sue: Wow! Why not?


Mary: They're already long enough!


Michael: I was on tv today.


Jeremy: You're kidding! How long were you on?


Michael: Not very much. When my mom saw me she just told me to get off.


Sarah: Why were you late for your plane?


Jan: I had to say goodbye to my pets.


Sarah: But you were 2 hours late!


Jan: I have an ant farm!


George: Look, I just found a lost baseball.


Louis: How do you know it's lost?


George: Because the kids down the street are still looking for it!


Mom: What are you doing?


Bob: Washing myself, of course.


Mom: Without soap and water?


Bob: Haven't you ever heard of dry cleaning.


Teacher: Say, you can't sleep in my class.


Student: I could if you didn't talk so loud.


Teacher: Chubb, who invented the airplane that did not fly?


Chubb: The Wrong Brothers.


Star if you like this joke....really funny?
Zzzzzzzz...








I would rather have dental root canal work with no anaesthetic, than read any more of your ';jokes';.





Here's one....


(Patient)


Doctor, Doctor, I feel like I'm a pair of curtains!!!





(Doctor)


Don't worry about that, you've got aids.Star if you like this joke....really funny?
long and boring.. no star for you :p
i like the one about the sardine tin. :D
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...