Am I a talented writer? Please crytic my song...?

Here's the song...





If you could only see


how much i cry for you


you'd love me like you know you could


or hate me like you do





if you could only feel


what i feel inside


you'd catch me when i fall and not


watch me as i die





there's only one way to get through to you


and thats exactly what im gonna do


i'm saying:





im done


im through


with everything i had with you


when loving turns you cold


and breathing turns us old


im done


i left


your hatred was your sweet caress


you had me in your hand


it's time to make a stand


i gave you my whole heart


and you broke me again...





Well that's one half of it... but you get the just of it, right? i got it copywritten, but im not sure if i should get it reviewed for an actual album.. im 14, and want to write more... but is it a good song?Am I a talented writer? Please crytic my song...?
Ok personally great song great rhythm one question would this be like an acousticc like you know feel it as its played song





i like it alot but if ya want to get more quality critiques and suggestions you should go to http://tunesmith.net/forums/index.php


They have great writers and others that can help you alot and thank you for the song





ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Am I a talented writer? Please crytic my song...?
i really like it very good
there is no way i can judge this song. you need to poat audio so we can here the melody. if you cant write a melody then you have no song.
dude that good lyrics i could here that song in the radio in a year or two send it to a music company anyone and see what they say if rich send me a couple bucks
You said this is the first half. It is good, and it does have great potential. I know that there are great songs out there that are long, but I don't know how well a long one will fare with people today. Try shortening it and when you do, please post it cause i would love to read it.
I think it is very good.. keep going with it.... good job...
good lyrics but i have to throw in that love songs songs are the easy way out (even though technically ur song is not a love song it's a song about love [a good one for that matter])but when u write other songs try to vary your topics
hey! I'm 14 too! ^^ Way better than I could come up with! lol. I really like it! ...Wish I could hear the music with it though. But anyway, the lyrics are great! :)
Keep writing, you are young and good for your age. Just a suggestion, take out the as I die part! It's a little to desperate and immature. Remember, as you get older and experience more, a broken heart is not the end of the world (like it feels when you are younger). My recommendation is too have the second half of the song be about moving on and how life is better without them anyways. Good Luck, don't give up!
You must understand that I am not a qualified critic of music or poetry. I doubt that many here are. People can only tell you what they like or don鈥檛 like. People are fickle in that they have a lemming mentality. If a trend develops where a number of people decide they like a particular thing, it will gain spontaneous popularity because people predominately want to be a part of a progressive movement.





I have known some outstanding pianists that I believe should have been incredibly successful, given their extraordinary talent. They apparently failed to establish a trend in our fickle society and so were only locally known.





Others gained considerable popularity in spite of a lack of talent or merit in my opinion. When we look at the liberal arts we need to consider such remarkable success stories such as pet rocks and platform shoes. One of the most absurd examples I can think of was in 1956 when The exhibition This Is Tomorrow at the Whitechapel Gallery, London, organised by the critic Lawrence Alloway, who coined the term ';Pop Art';. The works on show incorporate elements of popular culture: images of Marilyn Monroe, publicity for the film Forbidden Planet





But as I have said, who am I to call pop art absurd? Who is anyone else to say that it has merit? It is all popular opinion and that is very fickle.





So it doesn鈥檛 really matter so much in the real world if your song is good or if it is not. The primary aspect of art / music / poetry is to persuade enough people to foster a trend of acceptance and thereby create a spontaneous popularity within society. There are thousands upon millions of artists, musicians and poets striving for popularity so the odds of becoming a great success in these fields depends in part on your ability to influence people, quite apart from the merit of your work itself.





Johnny A
It's quite well written but I'm not keen on the subject matter. The whole love lost type of song has been done a million times and this seems similar to the many that have previously been done. You have a good writing style but I'd change the message if I were you as it all gets a little samey and depressing over time.
I love it the lyrics sound like a blue love song and its wonderful now all need is a melody and bam you are now a song writer
i think it sounds really good