Can you please give me your options about this prompt?

A couple of days ago I wrote this as part of my school work.





http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…





When I took it to my teacher she said that it was the best in the class. When I told her about what everyone on Y!A said about it she said to revise it and have you guys compare the two.





Here's my revision of the story...





Two men were walking down a grand and vast hallway. Giant pillars lined the hall, painted with pictures of the angles in heaven. The first man was tall and aging. He was a man of power and he feared no one. From far away he looked as if nothing could pierce him. If you looked deep into his dark, unforgiving eyes you could see panic and fear. How odd for him considering he had such high power. The people around him saw this mixture of panic and fear. They wondered what could be causing the most feared man in their empire trouble. Only the old man himself knew the answer to this so commonly asked question. He knew that his killer was drawing closer to him. But over the last few weeks the fear and panic in his eyes turned into plotting as it seemed. The old man had found the solution to his problem.





The second man was timid and scared easily. He was a short squat man with a balding head that gleamed in the sunlight. Many wondered about why the old man had chosen him to be his advisor. He was chosen for his one good strength, warfare. As the pair walked down the beautiful hall he wondered what the old man had chosen him for. Was it another attack plan he wanted. Or did he want to talk about something more dangerous.





“Sir, may I ask where we are going,” said the timid man.





“Just wait Arthur” the old man said, still walking.





“It’s just that if you trust me so much, then why don’t you go ahead and tell me. You know you can trust me Sir”





“No Arthur this isn’t something that I can say without care”





“Fine. Just one more thing Sir, if I may”





“Yes?”





“Where is the end to this hallway? We must have been walking for at least 15 minutes now” said Arthur, the timid advisor. He wasn’t used to this amount of walking.





The old man stopped. “We’re here.”





Arthur looked around the hall only to fine nothing. Out of the corner of his eye he saw and extravagant painting of the Gates of Heaven. The old man put his left hand on the painting. As soon as he did, a bright light shone painting. It slid over to reveal nothing like Arthur had ever seen before.





“Arthur”





“Yes Sir?”





“Welcome to Heaven”





There you go. Now please pick which one you like better. The fist one (look on the link) or this one. Thanks for your time! (please no stupid answers)Can you please give me your options about this prompt?
I liked the first prompt better due to the fact that it was more descriptive than this one- now I noticed that you did go into more detail on the characters in this one than the first one. The two men in the first prompt seemed more mysterious. If I was writing the story I would go with the first prompt; however, both seem to be really good. Good job!