Would this prologue I wrote wet your appetite & make you want to read the rest of my book?

Hi all,


This is the rough draft of a prologue I'm writting for this book of mine. To read the plot, you just have to type into Google or whatever--Is this a good idea for both a title and plot? Yahoo! Answers. That will enable you to understand this a little easier. It's still in the works %26amp; nothing's written in stone...not yet. In the plot, at one point I wrote old woman. Actually, I meant youg woman. I was typing fast so there were a few spelling errors and such-like. I was wondering if the following prologue would make you want to read the rest of the book. However, you'd have to read the plot first to understand it but it's too long to add here. If you care to read it and it sucks, don't be afraid to say so or be blunt. I NEED YOUR ADVICE!!! Also in the prologue there's a certain aspect that's still hanging in the pipe-lines so to speak. The glowing object/skull. I'm working on it %26amp; trying to think up something more origional. If you have any ideas for that, please state them as it will be a great help. Thanks in advance to whoever answers this! The prologue's bellow.





Dank and icy air swept in from the yawning darkness of the strangely opened doorway. It wasn’t supposed to be open, and certainly not at this ungodly hour. It was well past midnight and twenty-year-old Lyle Barton was inspecting the old World War Two bomb shelter that greeted him ten minutes from his evening patrol. This was the most unusual thing that had ever occurred to him in his life and sent chills down his spine. Who on earth would be so foolish as to sneak into the chamber and leave the door open? That was more than crazy. Automatically, Lyle pulled out his mobile and began dialing a number. This night, however, something told him to stop. Perhaps it was his curiosity that did not want to be tempted any further; or maybe it was his uncertainty. The darkness could simply be playing tricks on him. He forgot to make his afternoon coffee.


Whatever the reason, he threw all caution to the wind and decided to have a look around. After all, what was a security guard for if not to investigate incidents like these? His nearly numb fingers switched on the weak flashlight on his mobile. Taking a deep breath, he hurried towards the doorway to the bomb shelter before he could stop himself. Once inside, the dim glow from his phone lit up a hallway carved into solid rock. There was nothing inside it except for a stone stairway that wound downwards and to the left.


That’s odd, Lyle mused. I thought this was supposed to be a bomb shelter!


Nonetheless, he urged himself onwards and to the stairs that awaited him. While there could have only been around ten steps at the most, it seemed an hour or more before they came to an end. Lyle stared in surprise as he found himself in a small round room with a dome-shaped ceiling. There was no other way out save the stairwell he just descended from. The only thing within this peculiar room or cave was a glistening and muddy pool, which filled up all the floor space except for a narrow walkway that went around the room. At first glance, Lyle was about to retreat as there was obviously nothing of interest here. But just as he was about to leave, the same urging he experienced earlier commanded him to look a second time at the pool. He did so begrudgingly and his heart almost stopped. Something was shining in the water!


His curiosity getting the better of him again, he gingerly placed a hand into the water to see how far it went. He sighed in relief. It was only a foot deep. It was wrong to steel, he knew, but he could not shake the feeling that he needed the glowing object in the pool. He would just take a look at it and put it right back. In two swift steps, he cleared the space to the pool and withdrew the glowing object. Much to his horror, it was a pure white skull. Pools of nothingness glared back at him and his hands shook with sudden fear. Further adding to his nightmare, a grim and husky voice emanated from the skull.


“Lyle Barton,” It growled. “Because you looked where you shouldn’t have; you must pay the full consequences of your actions.”


Then with a blood-curdling wail it vanished into thin air.


Lyle was shaking feverishly by now. Searing pain shot through his body from his hands and he screamed as his lungs crushed in on him. But this was only the first of his troubles for the ground began to tremble with rage. Scorching geezers shot up from the pool, stabbing Lyle relentlessly. It seemed like the end of the world. Despite the agonizing pain, he knew he had to run or he would die. No matter how tempting the latter option was, he took to the stairs as the ceiling broke apart with roars of anger. Running with all his might, he made it out of the bomb shelter or cave, not caring which one it was. Using the last of his reserves, he dove a meter away as the bomb shelter collapsed. Hitting the ground with a dull thud, he just lay there wanting to die. Until at last, tWould this prologue I wrote wet your appetite %26amp; make you want to read the rest of my book?
This is really good.


I do have to mention, though, that the skull is a bit unoriginal but I can waive that.





You deserve one of the rarest honours given on Yahoo! Answers: a star from me.Would this prologue I wrote wet your appetite %26amp; make you want to read the rest of my book?
Hmm. Nice script. Keep writing!