Gf broke up with me after 4 years. Hanging out on anniversary. How's this poem?

I was with my ex since we were both 16 for 4 years. I treated her great in some ways, but subconciously took advantage of the fact that I thought she would never leave me and sometimes didn't give her all of the attention she needed. She knows I love her...I hope...I was waiting until marrige for her. There was a lot of good and some bad. Here is the poem I wrote for her what do you guys think?





For all the times I didnt


Express to you how I felt


I give to you a song


On this special day


It's sure to make you melt


Melt like a candle


Held next to a fire


I want you to know


There is nothing more


Than you you that my heart desires


This is the day I say


happy anniversary


I look up at the sun


Every now and then


Thinking what if we got back again


And I hope that you agree


The sun isn't as beautiful as it once was


It's got nothin on you and me


Your rays are a glistening


Running through your hair


God was listening


He answered your prayer


You're beauty really shines


When your inner self combines


With the outter shell of a sexy woman


I was always happy to call you mine


Looking back on the times we had


The good and the bad


I remember thinking I'm a lucky guy


always appreciating what I had


You were hot as hell with my eyes closed


I could feel it in your hand


Walkin together your left in my right


It burnt me like hot sand


Just talking to you on the phone made


My day each and every time


Hearing your voice


so sincere and sweet


and knowin you were mine


On this special day I fear


This might be the last one


All the years we had


All the times we shared


Like a father and his son


I want my daddy back


I want to grab your hand


I want to walk into the sun


Baby please tell me heart to heart


This won't be the last one


It's hard For the both of us


To take the long road back together


But honey I promise you tonight


I'll cradle you like a feather


I won't let you down


I won't let you blow away in the wind


I won't pull you apart


I won't hurt you again


You're a feather from the rarest bird


One who can not fly


Honey I'll give you wings


We'll leave this earth together


I'll take you way up high


On this special day


I give a kiss to you


It's the kiss of love


Baby It cannot miss


Cause my heart aims true


Just tell me that you love me


For all that we've been through


And on this special day my love


All I want is youGf broke up with me after 4 years. Hanging out on anniversary. How's this poem?
Screams of desperation. Rhyming pattern is a bit juvenile. I suggest you take a specific memory and write about the positive AND negative aspects that that memory holds for you. The pain that memories can elicit would be a much more mature subject matter and be less desperate.