Monday, August 16, 2010

What is your honest opinion of this poem?

to all my friends that were there


supporting me throughout my time


holding me up without sensible care


teaching me how to write and rhyme





i should of thought this through


each and every word stanza and line


because i had no clue what to do


or how to write it right in my mind





you set the mold and crimped the end


told me what and how to begin again


but in the end this little godsend


leaves back for a normal life to blend





i never was one to pull stunts like this


but in the end i guess we all must break


it's not like i can ever be truly missed


slithering alone my own path like a snake





eating up the people in my path of road


bending and breaking these rules as i go


each person i touch their insides corrode


laughing as they watch with no care or know





leaving them full of holes and confusion


even tucking the answers in their pocket


but they never end up in a real conclusion,


because i wrote the agenda, the docket.





these papers, like flyers passed around


reaching through the passages of ears


leaving people crying on the ground


feeding on emotions and personal fears


smiling at the hysterical sound


of each and everyone of your tears





no sense of guilt or any sort of remorse


as i let you taste the poisonous drink


vouching, silently starting to endorse


letting you hold the floor as you sink





digging your grave with your own hands


breaking your nails in the dirt and grime


wrapping you in cloth and silky bands


covering your body and eyes making you blind





to the fact, that hate disguised as love


is sent straight from hell down below


but in your mind it is a gift from above


holding this bomb waiting for it to blow





you thought i was sorry, but i was just a liar


time and time again you took my words inside


smiling and telling me thank you in eternal fire


until reality and fantasy finally start to collide





which is when i walk out in the shadows from behind


as your left wondering what happened to my friend


but you could never really love me, one of a kind


as you know the truth now it can finally start to end








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and actually comment... something other then ... wow.. or long...What is your honest opinion of this poem?
You write with a big heart. Contrastingly your word choice makes the mood and atmosphere is extremely negative.





What is it you regret? It sounds like you lost your best friend in bitterness, or stupidity. If so, I am sorry to hear it. I'd be surprised if you actually moved on after writing this one without a confrontation, because they obviously mean something to you.





In all ends there is a beginning to a new story, but if you look really closely the new story is the same as the old unless you fix things.What is your honest opinion of this poem?
to be honest boring. I hate poems.
it's preety good. and long. very very long.
Maybe you could make the poem flow better...more connecting words. in other words maybe more rhyming or flowing. Otherwise I really like it. It has meaning. :)
THAT'S AWESOME!!!!


but in the third paragraph, in the end of the second line, i would loose the 'again' after the 'begin'


REALLY GOOD! u should get some publised

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