Is this story any good?

Please tell me if you like this story... or if there are any improvements. I am not yet finished with it, but I would like some opinions. It was inspired by Twilight... but soon evolved into its own world. I will choose you for Best Answer if you give helpful advice!





“Roxy get your butt down here! We’re going to be late for school!” came the shouting from the driveway downstairs.





“Coming, jeez, relax a little!” I shouted and grabbed my backpack. It was the first day of junior year and I was carpooling with my best friend, Seth. We both had our licenses, but gas was expensive so we were sharing the gas price. I was supposed to drive tomorrow, but I had broken my wrist during cheer practice yesterday. I rushed down the stairs in my jeans and varsity cheer jacket. Seth smiled when he saw me, but as his eyes fell to my cast, he frowned.





“What happened?” he asked, his eyes filled with obvious concern. I rolled my eyes; I didn’t like to be fussed over.





“I broke my wrist” he winced, “we were practicing our pyramid and I’m on top. The girl below me sneezed and accidently let go of my ankle. I fell on the ground and landed on my wrist. The doctor said that I almost cracked the bone in half” Seth listened as we drove to school.





“God that sounds painful! How much does it hurt?” he stole a glance at me and looked almost wistful, but he saw my looking at him and returned to his concern. He fidgeted uncomfortably, how weird.





“Not as much as I thought it would. It just happened yesterday so I have to keep the cast on for eight weeks. Then I have to wear a brace for four more weeks. That’s provided that my wrist heals in the right position” Seth shook his head and chuckled,





“Lucky you” he said. I looked at him curiously,





“What do you mean? I have to take a break from cheer and riding for over two months.” I was forbidden to ride my horse, Ginger, for sixteen weeks. Aside from school, I lived for riding and cheer.





“You’re right” Seth said “that really does suck. I know how much you love Ginger. All I meant was that you don’t have to write in class; you broke your left hand.





“Yeah except that some of us are normal right-handed people” I waved my good hand in his face, “lefty!” I muttered. He chuckled. Seth and I had been neighbors and best friends since kindergarten. I didn’t see him all that much lately though; he had been going to camp every summer since he was twelve. I went to cheer camp every summer so we only saw each other during the school year and even then there was school and homework. I was an honors student and he wasn’t so we had barely any classes together.





“Oh right” he said and then laughed “I guess there really is no upside then” When we got to school we headed to our lockers which were on opposite sides of the English building. I was loading mine up and it was really hard with only one hand. I dropped my math book and reached down to pick it up. Another person did at the same time. As I stood up, we bonked heads, “Ouch!” I said.





“God, I’m so clumsy, please forgive me. It’s my first day and I’m already making enemies.” I looked up… WOA! Major hottie alert! A tall brunette with chocolate brown eyes and a perfect smile.





“Uh…” I was speechless, but I snapped out of it “no, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m Roxanne” I held out my hand, but he didn’t take it. I took it away, embarrassed.





“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Adam Hanks and this is my sister, Christine” he motioned to a girl behind him. She was short, probably no taller than 5’ 1”, and she had long brown hair. It contained natural gold highlights and fell in cascading curls down to her waist.





“Hi!” I said, this time keeping my hand at my side. Christine stuck her hand out and I was once again embarrassed as I shook it. Why would she shake my hand and not her brother? “Are you twins?” I asked.





“No,” this time it was Christine who spoke, “I’m a sophomore” her voice was so cute and small. She didn’t look any older than 14.





“Well if you need any help, let me know. That is assuming you’re new…” I said, my people skills were not so hot today.





“Yeah, we are. Do you know where Ms. Carney’s junior English class is?” Adam asked while looking at a small piece of paper.





“Actually, I do. I have her 3rd period. Are you in her homeroom? May I?” I pointed to his paper, assuming it was his schedule.





“Yes, I am” he handed me his schedule and then he noticed my cast. “What happened to you?” he asked with concern.





“It’s nothing,” I studied his schedule. “I broke my wrist during cheer practice. You have a lot of the same classes with me.” I studied his schedule quietly. Christine cleared her throat. “Oh I’m sorry, do you need help?” I asked her.





“Uh no thanks, I’ve got a map, but the bell just rang” I looked around at all the kids moving toward their classrooms.





“Oh wow, thanks! I didn’t even hear it. I guess I’ll see you guys later then” I waved and headed off.





“Uh Roxanne…” IIs this story any good?
Woah, heaps colloquial and cliche


I've already deciphered your plot, characters, themes ... etc. Your character is a huge Mary-Sue as well. Cheerleader, honors student, probably really pretty too.


In regards to your question, I'm really sorry to say that, no, this story is actually kind of bad


Sorry; it's just honesty - the best policy